


all we do is hide away

by queens_bees



Category: 4th Man Out (2015)
Genre: Alternate Ending, M/M, this is happy an fluffy dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 18:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7584649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queens_bees/pseuds/queens_bees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another look on how this movie could have ended. Chris and Adam have a talk about their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all we do is hide away

**Author's Note:**

> I know why the movie ended the way it did but honestly? I just don't have it in my heart to be satisfied with anything other than a queer ending (a happy one at that). Also, this is unbeta'd and I wrote this while chugging tea and listening to Oh Wonder at like 11 pm. Oh and I didn't rewatch the movie so like don't count for all of it to match canon exactly.
> 
> So. Enjoy!

Everyone else is asleep, except for him and Adam. The air around them is filled with snores and the gentle humming of crickets. Chris can feel that Adam wants to talk about The Kiss and god if there isn't literally anything else in the world he would rather do.

He looks over and Adam is staring down at his beer bottle like it holds all the answers. There's a little flop of hair covering his eyes and something about that makes Chris' chest go tight. That's a thing that's been happening a lot lately. Ever since The Kiss, to be honest. Chris isn't sure what it means, he isn't sure he wants to find out but he doesn't think that it's going away anytime soon.

Adam begins his apologies and Chris is half listening and half staring at how the light is shining off of Adam's eyes (and god does he really not want to touch that shit with a ten foot pole what the fuck). And he's still talking, half tripping over himself to give an explanation, an apology and Chris doesn't know how to stop him to tell him that he doesn't want an apology.

Chris isn't sure exactly what he wants but from the way his stomach drops from under him at the sound of Adam's voice fluctuating and stuttering, he knows that it has something to do with the man in front of him. 

So when Adam doesn't shut up (and that takes him back to baseball camp, looking in awe at what he thought was a shy little kid when he won't stop talking about how cool Chris' serve is and little Chris thinks that they're going to make the best of friends) he reaches over, grasps Adam's face in his hands, thumbing at his cheekbones, and kisses him.

His brain catches up three seconds too late and by then he's too focused on the feel of Adam's lips against his, that little floof of hair tickling his forehead, his fingertips tingling, too focused on the surety of  _ this _ to worry about what exactly  _ this _ is. 

The break apart after what feels like longer than the minute that it was and Adam is giving him a deer in the headlights look that Chris thinks he's probably reflecting. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, when Adam suddenly shoves him away.

"Adam, what-"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Here I am trying to tell you that I'm trying to get over the little crush I have on you and then you fucking kiss me. I don't know what game you're trying to play here-"

"SHH. Are you fucking crazy, keep your goddamn voice down, everyone's sleeping."

"OH so now you're ashamed? You kissed  _ me _ asshole."

"No, I, fuck, okay I don't want everyone to hear but I swear I wasn't making fun of you. I swear. I don't know what that was, I don't know what I'm doing," and there the panic begins to sneak into his voice because he's not gay, he's not, he swears, and fuck what about Rachel, god this is going to ruin everything, why did he- why- 

And then there's a muffled voice speaking steadily to him, tapping out a soft beat against his arm. Adam. 

"Hey, Chris, c'mon breathe with me. In and out okay, just follow my lead." He feels Adam's hands grasp his forearms and the panic recedes from the edges of his vision. He keeps breathing until the vice on his chest loosens and by then he's exhausted. 

There is silence, the chirping once again coming out against the backdrop of their contemplation. He's just about ready to give up and go to sleep when Adam shifts next to him.

"Let's just. Go somewhere else, okay? We don't have to talk about it but being here is weird. Feels like everyone's watching," he whispers with a grimace and it draws out a chuckle from Chris. 

"Sure. And hey, sorry for freaking out on you man. That shit hasn't happened since like college."

"No, it's fine, not your fault you know? Panic attacks suck."

Chris looks up at him then and what he sees quietens the yelling in his head somewhat. Adam's staring back at him, his posture soft and relaxed, eyes warm, his mouth smiling slightly and Chris is back to feeling like he could just lean over and- 

God what is wrong with him? He stands up abruptly, dropping his now empty bottle on the grass and stretches. He's sure he must seem obvious to Adam but he has to do something to stop myself from making any more disastrous mistakes. 

Adam get's up too after a moment and they move in tandem towards the front of the house, taking care not to step on any of the errant limbs of the people still sleeping. 

He follows Adam's lead and they end up at Adam's car which he opens. They both get in and the silence inside is possibly even more oppressive than before. Chris swallows and feels sweat bead at his forehead. Adam reaches over to turn the AC on. The panic threatens to sweep back in, the silence somehow becoming a physical  _ thing _ . 

He's not paying attention to where they're going but he's not surprised when he looks up and finds that they're at the park. There's no one in sight considering it's- he surreptitiously checks the clock on the dashboard- 4 am, holy christ. There's a weary sort of fog in his bones and man he really doesn't want to be seeing the wrong side of 4 am.

Adam parks the car carefully, and something about his focus and precision makes Chris smile. He knows that Adam's probably just stalling but the man's always been careful with his cars. 

"So." 

Chris nods in agreement and let's the word hang there. There isn't much he can say, not in this suffocating silence, so when Adam sighs and gets out of the car, Chris follows him. 

The emptiness stretches before them, dotted with bursts of warm bright light from fireflies. It instantly puts Chris at ease, reminding him of the countless other nights they had had here, sneaking away from dinners, family gatherings, and parties to just be together, alone. 

Chris follows Adam as he leads them towards their favorite spot, a bench near the far end of the park, mostly covered by bushy greenery and low hanging trees. This space belongs exclusively to them, it's where they would each go when they had something that was bothering them. It's where Chris had first told Adam about the panic attacks and where Adam had come to him about breaking up with Dorothy Cuda. 

It never felt like this before. This final, with so much riding on the outcome of one of these chats. They're both somber as they sit down.

"Let me just. Preface or whatever. I like you. Romantically, that is." It looks like his words are barely making it out of his mouth and Chris leans in closer, both to hear him better and just for the fucking sake of it. "And I promise I won't come onto you or whatever, I swear. But you have to work with me on this one okay Chris?" 

The sound of his own name out of Adam's mouth jolts him out of his stupor and he thinks for a second about what they're going, what they've been doing for the past however fucking long. He thinks about the look on Adam's face, pained and sweet and longing. Resigned. He thinks about all of these things at once, in tandem, and then thinks about how badly he wants to put his fingertips on Adam's cheekbones, how badly he wants to pull this man closer, bury his hands in that curly hair, and kiss him.

He thinks about this. And then he does it. 

He cradles Adam's face in one hand and links his other with Adam's. Adam makes a soft sound, surprise, Chris registers (the irony of this, all of this, is not lost on Chris, he knows this is straight out of some gay rom-com, or is it a regular rom-com, is he allowed to call it gay? Is that okay?). Adam is... soft. 

That's a strange thing to think about this, Chris knows, since whenever he had thought about kissing guys (...oh fucking hell), he had thought that they would be all sharp angles and prickly facial hair, not at all like how soft women were, not at all like how warm and delicate they were. 

Not to say that Adam's really not sharp angles and facial hair or that he's delicate. But he's definitely... soft. There's something in how cautiously he kisses back, the sounds that come out of his throat, and that fucking hair, curling softly against his forehead. 

They break apart and Chris leans into Adam's neck, breathing in, trying to keep his heart from crawling out of his mouth.

"Chris. Please. I just need an answer.  _ What do you want? _ "

"You? This? Fuck, Adam I don't know, I didn't fucking know I liked kissing dudes before this, and I'm not gay, like I still like girls, this isn't some homophobia thing-"

"Chris, relax. You don't have to be gay to like guys you know. Wait, here, let me just..." he trails off as he picks his phone out of his pocket, huffing softly and typing something into the search bar. He taps a couple more times before pressing it into Chris' hand and with slow, careful movements, kissing him on the top of his head. 

Instead of looking up and letting the no doubt raging blush on his face show, he glances down at the phone and sees an article, quite a long one at that, titled "Bisexuality". 

"You don't have to read the whole thing, just the first paragraph, by the way." 

It doesn't take him long to read it and he can't say he feels any less... unsure about this. He tries to say it in his thoughts. 'I'm bisexual,' he thinks and it's not that the words don't sound  _ right _ , it's that they sound foreign. 

"What do you think?" he asks, and Chris doesn't miss how his voice quavers. 

"I just. I don't know Adam. Everything about this is so fucking sudden and I'm scared and it's four in the morning and I'm kissing my best friend and I have a beautiful girl waiting for me..." Chris trails off at this. 

He doesn't really know what point he's trying to make but he can see that same resigned look fall back onto Adam's face. He fucking hates that look and hates himself more for putting it there but they can't just jump into this. They can't be anything casual and everything about this- whatever this is- is delicate and breakable and Chris is  _ so afraid _ . 

"Chris. I need you to make a choice. I care about you and I'm into you but I love you first as a friend and if this is," he pauses, "not serious to you or if it's just, god I don't fucking know, a mistake or something and if you want Rachel, I'll be there for you the entire fucking way. But I need you to be serious, I need you to be careful because it would really, really suck if this messed with our friendship."

"...That's alot." 

"Yeah. Been holding that in for a while." 

"I don't know. I like Rachel but I like her in the way that I think it could eventually lead to something serious. I... like you in the way that it's already serious, I'm already halfway there."

"Like everything before this was buildup and we just didn't know it yet."

"Exactly!" Chris says and feels relieved that at least something coming out of his jumbled up mess of a brain is understandable. 

"I guess I just want you to know that... I'm ready to make that jump. If you want, then I'm in. I don't wanna put pressure on this but it's up to you."

Chris looks over incredulously, "That's what you call no pressure?"

Adam grins at him, eyes sparkling underneath his fringe and god if the sight of him isn't enough to convince Chris. 

He turns away, looks instead at the opening to their little clearing, at the bright sparks of fireflies, at the moon. He wishes there were some sort of  _ sign _ or something, some signal from the universe that this won't fuck everything up. He's not naive enough to think that this won't change everything but he just wants to know whether it will be for the better or not.

He's startled from his contemplation when Adam starts violently coughing. He turns quickly, hands coming up to pat at Adam's back as he's bent over hacking loudly. 

"Adam! Bro what the fuck, are you okay?" 

When Adam's response is just to cough louder, Chris pats him on the back a bit more firmly (okay, a lot more firmly but he's worried). Adam coughs one final time and pushes Chris' hands away with a raspy, "I'm fine, I'm fine, Jesus. No need to clobber me."

"Dude."

"Please. Just. Okay." The clearing is silent for a second before Adam speaks up again, "...I think I choked on a fly." 

Chris blinks once, twice and then bursts out laughing. It's not that it's funny, it's that it's fucking hilarious and everything about this is so them. 

In the background, he can hear Adam's loud protests but he can't hear much above the sound of his own laughter and there is something so light about this moment that Chris makes his decision right then and there because he hasn't ever met anyone who could make him feel this way and if there's anything he's learnt, it's that you should keep those kind of people around. 

When he's finally calmed down enough to just be giggling lightly and not full out cackling, he looks over to see Adam with his arms crossed, the tiniest pout on his face. The sight is enough to set him off again and before he can get back into it, Adam frowns more ferociously.

"Asshole. I could've choked to death you know."

"On a fucking fly? You are so fucking ridiculous you know that? We're here talking about our relationship or whatever and you choke on a  _ fly _ . You could literally bench press me and you were almost defeated by a fly. God, you're just, fucking adorable. An adorable puppy with muscles." 

He finishes his spiel on a chuckle but the look in Adam's eyes shuts him up. It's longing and want and warmth and something in his eyes draws Chris in, something about him feels like coming full circle, like he's  _ finally _   figured it out.

"I'm still scared. I still don't know if it'll work out but. Fuck, it feels like we've been running from this thing all this time and I don't want to run anymore, I don't want to waste anymore time, you know?" And Chris knows he's sounding more and more desperate but Adam's nodding before he's even finished his sentence and he thinks that they might just make it. 

"I know."

When he pulls Adam closer, and closer, and closer still, all he's thinking about is them and the jut of Adam's bottom lip, his fingers, that hair. All he's thinking about is how good this is going to be. He knows that that's what Adam's thinking about too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always happily received. Come talk to me at my tumblr: queens-bees.tumblr.com


End file.
